My Lysa
These pictures were taken when Lysa visited me the day before she left for the US. In my heart, I knew that this will be the last time I could get a look at my 2nd born child and I know I would never get that chance again. In the silence of my room, I cried when she left and prayed she would come back. To date, that prayer was never answered.
I am blessed with facebook pictures which I check every week for updates. Of all my children, Lysa is blessed since she was not there when my life fell apart and her siblings had to experience the agony of seeing me fall flat. Then again, on her point of view, I never needed her. I do..., I did... but, I had no choice but to shield myself from pain. There was so much pain that surrounded me and still surrounds me. Sometimes, to love someone is to let them go. My love for Lysa was to let her go, to shield her from what was going on. To allow her to be free and be the person she was meant to be. One day, she will realize that she had the best hand of all among the 4 of them. If she only knows what Kim had to pick up from while I was down there in the mud. What Kim had to deal with and sacrifice from to keep me sane. What Kim missed out on and is still missing out on. Love has a lot of masks, she will not understand it now, hopefully someday she will. For now, I had that one beautiful day in May, and that day will forever be etched in my mind and in my heart.
I miss my 2nd born but, I'd rather be in pain than bring her in to this mess that we are now facing. So, I let go...physically, I did but never emotionally.
I am blessed with facebook pictures which I check every week for updates. Of all my children, Lysa is blessed since she was not there when my life fell apart and her siblings had to experience the agony of seeing me fall flat. Then again, on her point of view, I never needed her. I do..., I did... but, I had no choice but to shield myself from pain. There was so much pain that surrounded me and still surrounds me. Sometimes, to love someone is to let them go. My love for Lysa was to let her go, to shield her from what was going on. To allow her to be free and be the person she was meant to be. One day, she will realize that she had the best hand of all among the 4 of them. If she only knows what Kim had to pick up from while I was down there in the mud. What Kim had to deal with and sacrifice from to keep me sane. What Kim missed out on and is still missing out on. Love has a lot of masks, she will not understand it now, hopefully someday she will. For now, I had that one beautiful day in May, and that day will forever be etched in my mind and in my heart.
I miss my 2nd born but, I'd rather be in pain than bring her in to this mess that we are now facing. So, I let go...physically, I did but never emotionally.