For the past few years, my life went downhill. Slowly but it reached rock bottom. To a few who watched my life story told, that story does not even depict how low my life has gone. The few that knows me witnessed it.
Last Christmas, I once again saw my family together (with the exception of my precious daughter Lysa). Seeing my kids together and my mom brought a new hope. A tiny one but it was enough to stand on. For 2011, I vowed to lose weight and to find a job. In April, my daughter Kim and I applied for a call center and with luck we started training in May. Both Kim and I calculated when we would be finally hired. From May 2 when we started our training, some unexpected things happened that delayed our employment. Patience I know is a virtue and so patiently we waited. On June 23, we finally moved to our next level of training. Once again, Kim and I calculated when we would be employed. It is now August 24 and to date I am not yet employed. The good news, Kim is. In May, when our first level of training was extended, a part of that little hope I started with in January went from tiny to tinier. And now, the tinier is at its tiniest. Walking into the building last May, I left all of my past employment behind and walked in as a trainee. I came in on time. I participated. I took notes. I studied. I knew that I had to undo everything that I am and learn to blend into this new culture. I sat down with the youngest trainees and tried not to be bothered that I am the oldest one in training. Today, I have lost all of the hope I had mastered to hang on to. For the past weeks, I could not even walk with my head held high. I traveled home everyday crying and feeling like a failure. A feeling I am so scared of since it is the feeling that brought me to the brink of death so many times. I spent so much time thinking this week, and I am resigned to accepting - I am once again a failure. I have prayed so hard for guidance. I have once again struggled with faith. What do you want from me? I stood up again, why do you keep pushing me down? Everyday, you take a part of my spirit and my soul away. Maybe, I am trying too hard to be accepted where I am not. Again, I will have to start ANEW.
4 Comments
Parti Pipai
8/25/2011 02:20:58 pm
Don't give up for those you inspire. I'm one of them. :)
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Lyka
8/29/2011 08:26:22 pm
Pipai,
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Lyka
8/29/2011 08:27:09 pm
Bong,
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AuthorLyka Ugarte: 1st Runner-Up Mutya ng Pilipinas 1983, "The Most Beautiful Girl in the Phil" 1983. Represented the Phil. in "The Most Beautiful Girl in the World" in Honolulu, Hawaii in 1984. An Actress, A Model, A Mother, A Friend, A Survivor! ArchivesCategories
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